Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Life is so much better after having sex.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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