Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
