areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
