Porn is love you can see.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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