how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
No subtext here. People are naked.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
