Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
