we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
