Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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