I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i already hear my dad disowning me
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize