why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think my moral compass just broke
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
