I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
