Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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