Don't make out with my wife yet
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
