fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I need a burrito and a hug.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
