Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
