I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
