you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
