i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
