i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
