Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
