This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
