Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We smell like vodka and hangover
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
