Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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