he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
