I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
