Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We are two peas in an std pod
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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