Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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