Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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