It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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