The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Someone came in the potted fern
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
