I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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