If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
