Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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