a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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