Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
