It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
