Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize