even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize