I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
