Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
