U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
