We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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