Michael Bay diarrhea
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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