You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
