i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
