Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
