go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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