If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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