Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
