god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize