He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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