Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
as a side note pls kill me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize