If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
