When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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