I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
