yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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