I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
