We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
