Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
