Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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