You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
