My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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