Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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