Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize