i don't like sucking hair
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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